Hello followers! This is a blog post with a bit of a difference. It is more of an open letter… As we are not an agency I can allow myself to share more things with you because I no longer have any direct “profit motive” or anything to sell. It is just sharing some thoughts because I am concerned about trends that I see and that nobody talks about because as we are not “visible” in open society, even less so if you are a luxury escort that someone is trying to “fix your life for”.
I warn you in advance that there will be a lot of “quotes” but it is because I do not want to judge anyone, the intentions are usually really good. It is the little internal problems that we ALL have as humans that lead us to certain situations. And I, those who know me well, know that I will always advocate for protecting girls.
The truth is that I write to address an issue that can end up being something serious that affects the life and well-being of the girls you admire and support in the adult entertainment industry. Be it Escorts, OnlyFans, Sexy Content Creators or 24hr Apartment Girls, it doesn't matter to me, extrapolate to everything if you apply the theory. In 12 years of observing this industry as a girl, photographer, content creator, whatever you want... it hasn't happened once or twice, and that's why there's a whole blogpost to dedicate to it.
The majority you are not like that, but you know there are some in this industry…and this is a post for them.
The problem at hand
There are many cases where some admirer or client, with the best of intentions, wants to help their favorite girl by offering them a “better life”, in quotes because this is very relative and now you will understand why. These offers come from a place of generosity and care. However, it is essential to understand that not all girls in this industry are looking for a way out right now, or the real reasons why they have entered, it is not as easy as it seems even if you are a multimillionaire and you think it is a matter of a check. For many, especially those from developed countries that are not in a direct risk situation, their work represents financial independence (maybe it is a false financial independence, or temporary, but it is), personal empowerment (it can be taken with a grain of salt but look at it from the point of view of an 18 or 19 year old girl leaving an abusive home and wants to get a career) and a means to make her own decisions and also make mistakes. From our position of responsibility and having more life experience than many of the girls who come into this, we have to take into consideration many other factors before playing “Angels” or “Rescuers.” There are many girls who would appreciate this offer., but when it is rejected, it is not a reflection of the client's courage or generosity, but rather of their personal limits and personal situation.
The dangers of pushing too hard
Unfortunately, there have been cases where well-meaning clients become obsessed or angry when their offers of help or simply following the client-girl or fan-creator relationship are rejected. This can lead to coercive and harmful behaviors that You have to understand, they only make the situation worse. of these girls. Below are some real life examples which highlight the devastating consequences of such actions:
A client offers unconditional financial support, but the woman rejects him due to her personal anxiety and desire for autonomy. Feeling rejected, the client threatens to dox her and inform her family about her work. Terrified, she abandons her current situation and ends up in a dangerous living environment with other girls who exploit her vulnerability.
[Update: Due to privacy issues we had to remove the 2nd story!]
These stories to me are heartbreaking and all too common. The more a client pushes, intimidates or harasses these girls, the more likely they seem to end up in unsafe environments, far removed from supportive communities. This is something I have personally seen happen with my own eyes in the escort and onlyfans community through collaborators, friends, friends of friends over the years.
What can we really do to help them?
Respect boundaries and support their independent projects outside the industry (with their consent)
If you really want to help, the most important thing you can do is respect their boundaries and autonomy. Here are some guidelines to consider:
Ask him what he needsIt's that simple, even if you think you're older, smarter, more successful, more everything, and you know better than them, they don't need a father. If they fell in love with someone, they want him as a partner, friend, and lover, but not someone who sets "rules" for them. Before offering to help, talk, converse, ask, share with her what you'd be comfortable helping and what you'd REALLY want in return. Be honest with yourself too, if you're falling in love, question whether helping her financially will give you a powerful hand, which she'll run away from.
Sometimes no means no, even if you're offering something other people would kill for: If a woman rejects your offer, accept her decision and remember that it is not a sign of YOUR worth. You are still generous and kind, but she is not for you at this point in her life. If you want to stay there, remain supportive and let her get closer if she wants to if you have already reached a level of trust. Understand that She may have valid reasons based on past experiences or personal values.. And you have to support and help, never try to “make her see how bad it is”, “What can happen to her” through fear, only through education, without expecting her to run to you or flee the industry, I assure you that in the most of the cases it is not like that.
Support their decisions, even if you don't think they are good: As long as she doesn't put herself in direct danger or go down a drug path, support her even if you don't approve of her choices, remember that you can't be her father or her older brother. If you want to be her sponsor, it has to come from a place of support and applauding her courage, only then will she really stop to evaluate her choices and if she continues like this, she won't stay that long. Sponsor her in ways that align with her goals and comfort zones. If you want to pay for her college, ask her permission first, I know it seems absurd, but these are personal boundaries of private life that must be respected.
In the same way we would not respect a girl who becomes obsessed with a client and tells him that if he continues hiring girls instead of staying with one according to the established company norms, she will expose him on her social networks as a Client.
Whether through education, savings plans or professional development, support them in a way that respects their autonomy and from the point of view of a person who has the means and the heart to share and understand much more than what is there. Most of you also have stories and histories, and you cannot be judged by what is “right” or “wrong” according to society’s norms, or what is “good” or “bad” for you and your future. We are not the ones to exert pressure to change someone’s situation even if we believe it is the best for him or her.
Avoid taking rejection personally! I know this is hard, it happens to me personally in my private life, but really, take a deep breath and move forward, it is what it is. We cannot educate people, even those we love, sometimes people only learn from their own mistakes, and of course if she wants, she has to be able to choose. Forbidding her will only make her do it more or worse, even make her bitter towards all men.
This is another one, often during our coffees women come to me and tell me that men with a lot of money just want to control, and it breaks my heart. – Let's show them that it's not like that, that we can give them the space they need. I'm the first one to want to mess things up if they go with me. bad people or with women who exploit them by promising them handbags and private jets false and they get hooked on drugs, (What do you think? I don't want to close their businesses? Of course, but I don't do it because where will those girls end up?). But I also know that the last thing I can do is prohibit, what I can do is give better conditions and wait for them to value it and know how to see it, that they are in that moment of their life, and if not, they know that my door will always be open. I never take a rejection as something personal, or rather I do but then I leave, I sit down and I work on it, I don't punish that person for making that decision. Can you imagine if I punished a girl who leaves with a bad competitor? Doesn't she know how to see beyond the Gaslighting? I could follow the same modus operandi that some girls have. disloyal friends of the sector They take advantage of their bad filters and scare them so they come back… but let’s think about it as people with a university education, where will that really lead? To destabilise them – and that is the worst thing we can do, we will leave them even more vulnerable to not leaving the circle at the mercy of exploiters. Therefore, as much as it seems like something that makes sense, if you play chess you will understand it well, you have to think many steps ahead.
Remember that these girls, most of whom are between 18 and 25, are navigating a complex and often risky industry that has been sold to them on Instagram that at that age they should be able to afford Balenciagas and Lamborghinis. That is our enemy, not the shift job she has taken because she has no other, and maybe it is the little she has to feel independent or so she thinks. Really, In the long run, our respect and your understanding can make a significant difference in their lives.
A call for compassion and understanding
To all the sponsors who support these wonderful and brave women, who have every story behind them that is worthy of a book, you have the power to make a positive, lifelong impact. Use this influence with wisdom and compassion – never with coercion, lectures or fear.Understanding and support can encourage these women and help them thrive on their own decisions. And if you see that it affects you, block it, it is the healthiest thing to do, at least for the moment.
As a side note: If we advocate for decriminalisation and regularisation, people like me could have businesses in this industry and not end up being “communities” because they don’t give us options to help them and educate them further so that if they enter, they spend the minimum amount of time and see themselves capable of doing much more. But never ever prohibit, we only open doors to situations that will trap them forever – There will always be someone who wants to profit from young and vulnerable girls. The only way to achieve change is to truly educate and support them: 0 fears – 100% self-esteem.
In conclusion, this open letter is a heartfelt favor to all sponsors: please do not fall into the vicious cycle of obsession or anger when your offers of help are rejected. You look beyond, There is so much, so much behind each of the profiles that you can't even imagine. Recognize the damage that any action towards them, be it a bad review out of spite or a rude one for not serving you, can cause. Let's be able to see that we can really be a source of positive support and respect that will also give us better services, happy girls who do this for a couple of months and would go on with their things without false promises, there would be no burned out people, think about it, it would be wonderful, but it is a utopia.
All of you who are our trusted clients, for example, who know who you are, not only help the women we admire, but you have also helped create what we hope will be a more compassionate and understanding community among us with each service you have contracted, I promise you.
Sincerely,
Missing in action aka Mia
