Here's a little guide on how to relax beforehand to have better sex and overcome shyness.
It is important to leave all limiting beliefs out of the picture. For example, fear, shame, embarrassment, guilt, worry, among many other anxieties that haunt our heads every day. All these concepts that are installed in our subconscious create a anticipatory anxiety (for example the performance anxiety). Therefore, if we think something is going to go wrong, it will go wrong. These beliefs also prevent the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for sexual arousal, ejaculation or orgasm, from being activated.
1. You shouldn't base your idea of sex on comparisons to other previous relationships.. Maybe you have had poor sexual relations in the past and believe that future relationships will follow the same pattern. Or, on the contrary, things have gone well for you and this expectation is what creates anxiety when starting an intimate relationship with another person. By detaching yourself from your past experiences, you will prevent overgeneralization, which consists of drawing a general conclusion based on previous events. And dichotomous thinking, which considers any success that does not fit the expected expectations as a failure.
2. Get rid of any kind of expectations or premeditation and give yourself over to enjoyment and adventure. Don't expect anything from your new person, or from yourself, let it flow and if there is no chemistry, nothing happens, and if there is, go slowly and don't think too much about "what you expect" or "what she expects from you" as this can create looping thoughts that don't suit you at the moment. If you find yourself thinking about it, try the 5 second rule, count internally 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 0, you will leave aside the amygdala and be connected to your frontal part of the brain, in this way you will make decisions without losing your mind due to emotions.
3. Relax your body and mind with breathingIf you can, take a few minutes to pause for a moment as a meditation. Close your eyes, and walk through your entire body from head to toe, intentionally relaxing each part. Inhale and exhale deeply as you mentally move through your body.
4. Focus on the present momentIf you have negative feelings, take a moment to analyze them. Ask yourself: “What is making me feel this way?” This way you will find the source of that anxiety and you will be able to take the appropriate steps to eliminate it. It usually comes from our own internal fears.
5. Don't be afraid to show your flaws, remember that they make you a unique and incomparable person. They are part of your essence and your uniqueness, and it is precisely this that attracts people. Forget about complexes, nobody is perfect.
“What you deny subdues you and what you accept transforms you”
Carl Jung
5. Avoid noise and distractions, Turn off your phone and turn on some relaxing music, preferably without lyrics. You can light some candles or any kind of soft light. Our brain responds to certain relaxing environments and therefore our body understands that it is in a setting in which to relax. Eliminate all external pressures and distractions.
6. Share your fears with your sexual partnerIf you can't relax before having sex, it's a good idea to talk to the other person about it. If your sexual partner is an escort, tell her directly what worries you. You'll see how she'll help everything flow. Meetings with professionals are a good way to gain experience and overcome pre-established fears.
7. Don't be in a hurry or set a time frame. Each person has his or her own rhythm. In this case, there is no correct or incorrect duration. Remember to be aware of your thoughts and not block your mind with recurring, repetitive thoughts or thoughts that put more pressure on yourself. You are the owner of your thoughts and if you are aware of your internal dialogue, you can correct yourself.
Focus on the senses when you are in the relationship. At that time it is necessary turn off the mind and turn on the sensations. Focus your attention on touch, caresses, kisses...
We want to share with you this video that will give you some additional tips on how to lose your shame during sex:
And now enjoy!
