Here is a short guide on how to relax beforehand to have better sex and overcome shyness.
It is important to leave all limiting beliefs out of the picture. For example, fear, embarrassment, shame, guilt, worry, among many other anxieties that haunt our heads on a daily basis. All these concepts that are installed in our subconscious create in the mind an anticipatory anxiety (e.g. performance anxiety). Therefore, if we think something will go wrong, it will go wrong. These beliefs also prevent the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for sexual arousal, ejaculation or orgasm, from being activated.
1. Do not base the idea of sex on comparison with other previous relationships. You may not have done well sexually in the past and believe that future relationships will follow the same pattern. Or on the contrary, you have done great and that expectation is what creates anxiety when starting an intimate relationship with another person. By detaching yourself from your past experiences, you will prevent overgeneralization, which consists of drawing a general conclusion from previous facts. And the dichotomous thinking that considers as failure any success that does not meet the expected expectations.
2. Get rid of any kind of expectation or premeditation and give yourself to enjoyment and adventure. Don’t expect anything from your new person, or from yourself, let it flow and if there is no chemistry nothing happens, and if there is, go slow and don’t think too much about “what you expect” or “what she expects from you” as this can create loop thoughts that don’t suit you in the moment. If you find yourself thinking about it, try the 5-second rule, count 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 0 internally, you will leave aside the amygdala and you will be connected with your frontal part of the brain, this way you will make decisions without losing your mind because of emotions.
3. Relax body and mind with breathing. If you can, take a few minutes to pause for a short meditation. Close your eyes, walk through your whole body from head to toe, intentionally relaxing each part. Inhale and exhale deeply while mentally transiting your body.
4. Focus on the present moment. If you have negative feelings, take a moment to analyze them. Ask yourself, “What is making me feel this way?” In this way you will find the origin of that anxiety and you will be able to take the appropriate steps to eliminate it. It usually stems from our own inner fears.
5. Don’t be afraid to show your flaws, remember that they make you a unique and incomparable person. They are part of your essence and uniqueness, and it is precisely this that attracts people.Forget about complexes, nobody is perfect.
“What you deny subdues you and what you accept transforms you.”
Carl Jung
5. Avoid noises and distractions, turn off your cell phone and turn on a relaxing background music, preferably without lyrics. You can light some candles or any kind of soft light, our brain responds to certain relaxing environments and therefore our body understands that it is in a relaxing setting. Eliminate all external pressures and distractions.
6. Share your fears with your sexual partner. If you are unable to relax before having sexual intercourse, it is advisable to discuss it with the other person. In case your sexual partner is an escort, tell her directly what you are worried about. You will see how it will help everything flow. Meetings with professionals are a good way to gain experience and overcome pre-established fears.
7. Don’t be in a hurry or set a time frame. Each person has his or her own rhythm. In this case there is no right or wrong duration. Remember to be aware of your thoughts and not to block your mind with recurring, repetitive thoughts or thoughts that impose more pressure on yourself. You are the owner of your thoughts and if you are aware of your internal dialogue you can correct yourself.
Focus on the senses when you are in the relationship. At that moment it is necessary to turn off the mind and turn on the sensations. Focus your attention on touch, caresses, kisses …
We want to share with you this video that will give you some additional tips on how to lose shame in sex:
And now to enjoy!
